I have started a new facebook group for me and my friends that are fighting the fat to be finding our fit!! So! I am going to start blogging my weight loss journey here, as I now use my main sneaky happiness blog at www.sneakyhappiness.com
So here it starts (well I started 5 weeks ago) but with Easter, and birthdays, I am restarting as of tomorrow. I have 69 kilos to lose and I am giving myself 104 weeks to do it.
I am not going to fail this time. I am going to become healthy and worthy of the blessings in my life.
I am going to be healthy.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Sunday, December 5, 2010
we have had many kids that have moved past the point of tantrum and into histeria... youre unable to discipline at this point because they dont even know anymore why they are falling apart. I vote for comfort. Just work to getting them calm. Two great methods for me are 'time in' and also a nice warm shower, put them in it, even if they are sobbing and calmly talk about how they are going to calm down and feel the nice water etc... we talk the whole time they are in the shower about whats happening next, that they can pick the powder they want and the clothes to wear, they calm so quickly its astonishing, then once dressed, 'time in' again. Hold them close, at this point, we usually talk about what was going on, but half the time they fall asleep and have no clue why it even started. I like to think the lasting memory from it though was that they were supported and cared for and calmed, and maybe next time, they will trust me to share their feelings verbally rather than through a tantrum.
Sorry for the novel!! Would love to meet your little cuties one day!
Sorry for the novel!! Would love to meet your little cuties one day!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Brain Quiet: If I could bottle you, I'd buy you for sure
It always starts with an abstract thought that bothers you a bit.
But I know I am not in a good way when a few seconds later my stomach starts to feel queasy, usually within minutes I suffer from diarrhea. (yes- instant and explosive! )
By the time I have dealt with this, my brain falls to pieces. The panic and worry come in uncontrollable onslaughts. The ‘what if’ scenarios changing at a rate that it all becomes a jumble, and I can’t articulate what it is I am thinking anymore. This is usually when I start to cry. Then I am fighting the crying. Because I know once the tears come, they don’t stop, sometimes in the past – for days – and because I am grasping at the edge. I have fallen off the edge before, where the line is blurred between being in control of you faculties and well – not. And the fear of falling over again is worse than the fear of whatever your currently dealing with in your life that is making you feel stressed.
Then the worry turns its attention to living with anxiety. If I am this broken, how can I continue to function as an adult? How can I keep these responsibilites? And away we spin, out of control. If there is anything that anyone I know living with anxiety would ask for it would be ‘brain quiet’. I have found that for me to minimise my anxiety and emotional instability, I must have a peaceful brain. If I overload it with issues, worry, decisions… anything that causes ‘brain chatter’ AND I havent been eating well, sleeping well, etc… it is inevitable that I will be in a ‘losing it’ state of mind. I don’t want options. They hurt my head. So consequently this once decisive girl lives in a state of seeking instructions, which no one around me knows they are meant to be giving, so I turn myself inside out doing whatever tasks are in front of me, without coping with deciding what to put in front of me.
So then I get overloaded, and I want to be proactive, and I know what keeps me healthy, so I try to analyse my life and how I can keep it on the ‘brain quiet’ straight and narrow. But the problem with that is, in analysing what I should be doing to keep this family going I get an abstract thought…. that bothers me a bit.
But I know I am not in a good way when a few seconds later my stomach starts to feel queasy, usually within minutes I suffer from diarrhea. (yes- instant and explosive! )
By the time I have dealt with this, my brain falls to pieces. The panic and worry come in uncontrollable onslaughts. The ‘what if’ scenarios changing at a rate that it all becomes a jumble, and I can’t articulate what it is I am thinking anymore. This is usually when I start to cry. Then I am fighting the crying. Because I know once the tears come, they don’t stop, sometimes in the past – for days – and because I am grasping at the edge. I have fallen off the edge before, where the line is blurred between being in control of you faculties and well – not. And the fear of falling over again is worse than the fear of whatever your currently dealing with in your life that is making you feel stressed.
Then the worry turns its attention to living with anxiety. If I am this broken, how can I continue to function as an adult? How can I keep these responsibilites? And away we spin, out of control. If there is anything that anyone I know living with anxiety would ask for it would be ‘brain quiet’. I have found that for me to minimise my anxiety and emotional instability, I must have a peaceful brain. If I overload it with issues, worry, decisions… anything that causes ‘brain chatter’ AND I havent been eating well, sleeping well, etc… it is inevitable that I will be in a ‘losing it’ state of mind. I don’t want options. They hurt my head. So consequently this once decisive girl lives in a state of seeking instructions, which no one around me knows they are meant to be giving, so I turn myself inside out doing whatever tasks are in front of me, without coping with deciding what to put in front of me.
So then I get overloaded, and I want to be proactive, and I know what keeps me healthy, so I try to analyse my life and how I can keep it on the ‘brain quiet’ straight and narrow. But the problem with that is, in analysing what I should be doing to keep this family going I get an abstract thought…. that bothers me a bit.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
New blog site
I have created a new blog site at wordpress, link is attached, please go there, to read from now on.. you can also subscribe to read my ramblings from your inbox
http://sneakyhappiness.wordpress.com/
http://sneakyhappiness.wordpress.com/
Monday, August 30, 2010
midnight ponderings.
Do you ever wish you could just stop thinking? I hate it. My brain is wide awake and my body is barely coping. I am never sure what the right thing to do is. I am always worried I am letting the stakeholders down. I worry.
Not in a "Oh No, the world is about to end" kind of sad way.. more in a "how can I fix everything, and make things perfect" way. Or a "have a made the right choices for my children" way...
I heard a saying once that said "they pull the babies out, and they shove the guilt in", its a wee bit crass but I think its relevant. Is there ever a time that a mothers mind is at peace?
Being solution oriented is a pro and a con, because it means that I can always see several options. And I can never be sure of which way to go. So I pick one, but I am always looking over my shoulder wondering if the other would have been a better option.
Anyway, for tonight at least, I have decided that I wish I were 8, without a care in the world other then cleaning my bedroom and my teeth.
Not in a "Oh No, the world is about to end" kind of sad way.. more in a "how can I fix everything, and make things perfect" way. Or a "have a made the right choices for my children" way...
I heard a saying once that said "they pull the babies out, and they shove the guilt in", its a wee bit crass but I think its relevant. Is there ever a time that a mothers mind is at peace?
Being solution oriented is a pro and a con, because it means that I can always see several options. And I can never be sure of which way to go. So I pick one, but I am always looking over my shoulder wondering if the other would have been a better option.
Anyway, for tonight at least, I have decided that I wish I were 8, without a care in the world other then cleaning my bedroom and my teeth.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
family
I am thankful for the legacy of hospitality that Grandma and Grandpa have left in their descendants. I dont doubt that I could knock on any one of your doors and be welcomed with open arms.. What a wonderful culture.
Recently, Aunty Ros and Uncle Brian gave up their own holidays to house and feed me and emma and her kids. This was a sacrifice for not only them, but for Charlotte and Charlie. So welcoming and giving. Thank you so much.
But this is the same willing spirit that I have seen from all of you.
When we used to come down from PNG we would camp in the loungerooms of all my Aussie Aunts...
Aunty Nell kept me after my folks went home, and I remember her trepidation after I dyed my hair black with her neighbour... 'are you sure your mother wont mind?' (she said after I had done it!) I think my cheeky reply was 'it wont matter cause Ive done it, easier to say sorry than ask permission' (My poor mother... I love you Mum, God gave me the best blessing when he allowed me to be yours!)
Aunty Trices house was always so wonderful too, so much fun in the pool at the old Springwood house! and getting to play with Micheles girly things, and dance costumes was so much fun! Always a house of raucaus laughter.
Going to Cindys was (is!) magical. I remember thinking that it (Bondi) was paradise, so much freedom... buses to anywhere, great vibe, great conversations... always welcome at Cindys. I remember so many of my boarding school holidays spending 3am nights with you. Drinking Coffee like a grown up and fixing the problems of the world.
And Aunty Karen... you were always so wonderful too. I cant beleive the running around you willingly did to set me up at Lilydale. All the trips to and from the airports at the start and end of every term. Running around to buy me sleeping bags and pick up little treats for me!(now as a parent I can appreciate your sacrifice so much more, you were doing ALL of that plus doing the normal running around for your own kids, and managing it all with SO MUCH STYLE!) I was so proud when you would come to pick me up, my friends would see my beautiful Aunt, and I felt like smugly saying, yep, I'm with her!
Peter and John always made time for us too. I remember hanging out at the wilderness society (Is that the right organisation you worked for John) and being bought lunch at a Cafe.. and loving all the fantastic food! John I admire you so much, I hope my sons can become as admirable men as I think you are.
Same with you Peter, I remember traipsing around town with Meredith and meeting you in the city where you worked (I know it was govt, but too young to absorb the info) You always stop everything your doing when I drop around to see you and Evie (which I know isnt enough!) you make the time for people.
And Jenny, I know without even asking that your door is open to me. and any of the family. Your love for all of us is felt across the miles. One day I am going to camp on your loungeroom floor, as I know many of our relatives have.
My point is.. this hospitality, this warm accepting open home love that you all have, came from Gma and Gpa.. and what a blessing it is.
Thank you all
Recently, Aunty Ros and Uncle Brian gave up their own holidays to house and feed me and emma and her kids. This was a sacrifice for not only them, but for Charlotte and Charlie. So welcoming and giving. Thank you so much.
But this is the same willing spirit that I have seen from all of you.
When we used to come down from PNG we would camp in the loungerooms of all my Aussie Aunts...
Aunty Nell kept me after my folks went home, and I remember her trepidation after I dyed my hair black with her neighbour... 'are you sure your mother wont mind?' (she said after I had done it!) I think my cheeky reply was 'it wont matter cause Ive done it, easier to say sorry than ask permission' (My poor mother... I love you Mum, God gave me the best blessing when he allowed me to be yours!)
Aunty Trices house was always so wonderful too, so much fun in the pool at the old Springwood house! and getting to play with Micheles girly things, and dance costumes was so much fun! Always a house of raucaus laughter.
Going to Cindys was (is!) magical. I remember thinking that it (Bondi) was paradise, so much freedom... buses to anywhere, great vibe, great conversations... always welcome at Cindys. I remember so many of my boarding school holidays spending 3am nights with you. Drinking Coffee like a grown up and fixing the problems of the world.
And Aunty Karen... you were always so wonderful too. I cant beleive the running around you willingly did to set me up at Lilydale. All the trips to and from the airports at the start and end of every term. Running around to buy me sleeping bags and pick up little treats for me!(now as a parent I can appreciate your sacrifice so much more, you were doing ALL of that plus doing the normal running around for your own kids, and managing it all with SO MUCH STYLE!) I was so proud when you would come to pick me up, my friends would see my beautiful Aunt, and I felt like smugly saying, yep, I'm with her!
Peter and John always made time for us too. I remember hanging out at the wilderness society (Is that the right organisation you worked for John) and being bought lunch at a Cafe.. and loving all the fantastic food! John I admire you so much, I hope my sons can become as admirable men as I think you are.
Same with you Peter, I remember traipsing around town with Meredith and meeting you in the city where you worked (I know it was govt, but too young to absorb the info) You always stop everything your doing when I drop around to see you and Evie (which I know isnt enough!) you make the time for people.
And Jenny, I know without even asking that your door is open to me. and any of the family. Your love for all of us is felt across the miles. One day I am going to camp on your loungeroom floor, as I know many of our relatives have.
My point is.. this hospitality, this warm accepting open home love that you all have, came from Gma and Gpa.. and what a blessing it is.
Thank you all
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