we have had many kids that have moved past the point of tantrum and into histeria... youre unable to discipline at this point because they dont even know anymore why they are falling apart. I vote for comfort. Just work to getting them calm. Two great methods for me are 'time in' and also a nice warm shower, put them in it, even if they are sobbing and calmly talk about how they are going to calm down and feel the nice water etc... we talk the whole time they are in the shower about whats happening next, that they can pick the powder they want and the clothes to wear, they calm so quickly its astonishing, then once dressed, 'time in' again. Hold them close, at this point, we usually talk about what was going on, but half the time they fall asleep and have no clue why it even started. I like to think the lasting memory from it though was that they were supported and cared for and calmed, and maybe next time, they will trust me to share their feelings verbally rather than through a tantrum.
Sorry for the novel!! Would love to meet your little cuties one day!

Brain Quiet: If I could bottle you, I'd buy you for sure

It always starts with an abstract thought that bothers you a bit.

But I know I am not in a good way when a few seconds later my stomach starts to feel queasy, usually within minutes I suffer from diarrhea. (yes- instant and explosive! )

By the time I have dealt with this, my brain falls to pieces. The panic and worry come in uncontrollable onslaughts. The ‘what if’ scenarios changing at a rate that it all becomes a jumble, and I can’t articulate what it is I am thinking anymore. This is usually when I start to cry. Then I am fighting the crying. Because I know once the tears come, they don’t stop, sometimes in the past – for days – and because I am grasping at the edge. I have fallen off the edge before, where the line is blurred between being in control of you faculties and well – not. And the fear of falling over again is worse than the fear of whatever your currently dealing with in your life that is making you feel stressed.

Then the worry turns its attention to living with anxiety. If I am this broken, how can I continue to function as an adult? How can I keep these responsibilites? And away we spin, out of control. If there is anything that anyone I know living with anxiety would ask for it would be ‘brain quiet’. I have found that for me to minimise my anxiety and emotional instability, I must have a peaceful brain. If I overload it with issues, worry, decisions… anything that causes ‘brain chatter’ AND I havent been eating well, sleeping well, etc… it is inevitable that I will be in a ‘losing it’ state of mind. I don’t want options. They hurt my head. So consequently this once decisive girl lives in a state of seeking instructions, which no one around me knows they are meant to be giving, so I turn myself inside out doing whatever tasks are in front of me, without coping with deciding what to put in front of me.

So then I get overloaded, and I want to be proactive, and I know what keeps me healthy, so I try to analyse my life and how I can keep it on the ‘brain quiet’ straight and narrow. But the problem with that is, in analysing what I should be doing to keep this family going I get an abstract thought…. that bothers me a bit.

New blog site

I have created a new blog site at wordpress, link is attached, please go there, to read from now on.. you can also subscribe to read my ramblings from your inbox

http://sneakyhappiness.wordpress.com/

midnight ponderings.

Do you ever wish you could just stop thinking? I hate it. My brain is wide awake and my body is barely coping. I am never sure what the right thing to do is. I am always worried I am letting the stakeholders down. I worry.
Not in a "Oh No, the world is about to end" kind of sad way.. more in a "how can I fix everything, and make things perfect" way. Or a "have a made the right choices for my children" way...
I heard a saying once that said "they pull the babies out, and they shove the guilt in", its a wee bit crass but I think its relevant. Is there ever a time that a mothers mind is at peace?
Being solution oriented is a pro and a con, because it means that I can always see several options. And I can never be sure of which way to go. So I pick one, but I am always looking over my shoulder wondering if the other would have been a better option.
Anyway, for tonight at least, I have decided that I wish I were 8, without a care in the world other then cleaning my bedroom and my teeth.

family

I am thankful for the legacy of hospitality that Grandma and Grandpa have left in their descendants. I dont doubt that I could knock on any one of your doors and be welcomed with open arms.. What a wonderful culture.
Recently, Aunty Ros and Uncle Brian gave up their own holidays to house and feed me and emma and her kids. This was a sacrifice for not only them, but for Charlotte and Charlie. So welcoming and giving. Thank you so much.
But this is the same willing spirit that I have seen from all of you.
When we used to come down from PNG we would camp in the loungerooms of all my Aussie Aunts...
Aunty Nell kept me after my folks went home, and I remember her trepidation after I dyed my hair black with her neighbour... 'are you sure your mother wont mind?' (she said after I had done it!) I think my cheeky reply was 'it wont matter cause Ive done it, easier to say sorry than ask permission' (My poor mother... I love you Mum, God gave me the best blessing when he allowed me to be yours!)
Aunty Trices house was always so wonderful too, so much fun in the pool at the old Springwood house! and getting to play with Micheles girly things, and dance costumes was so much fun! Always a house of raucaus laughter.
Going to Cindys was (is!) magical. I remember thinking that it (Bondi) was paradise, so much freedom... buses to anywhere, great vibe, great conversations... always welcome at Cindys. I remember so many of my boarding school holidays spending 3am nights with you. Drinking Coffee like a grown up and fixing the problems of the world.
And Aunty Karen... you were always so wonderful too. I cant beleive the running around you willingly did to set me up at Lilydale. All the trips to and from the airports at the start and end of every term. Running around to buy me sleeping bags and pick up little treats for me!(now as a parent I can appreciate your sacrifice so much more, you were doing ALL of that plus doing the normal running around for your own kids, and managing it all with SO MUCH STYLE!) I was so proud when you would come to pick me up, my friends would see my beautiful Aunt, and I felt like smugly saying, yep, I'm with her!
Peter and John always made time for us too. I remember hanging out at the wilderness society (Is that the right organisation you worked for John) and being bought lunch at a Cafe.. and loving all the fantastic food! John I admire you so much, I hope my sons can become as admirable men as I think you are.
Same with you Peter, I remember traipsing around town with Meredith and meeting you in the city where you worked (I know it was govt, but too young to absorb the info) You always stop everything your doing when I drop around to see you and Evie (which I know isnt enough!) you make the time for people.
And Jenny, I know without even asking that your door is open to me. and any of the family. Your love for all of us is felt across the miles. One day I am going to camp on your loungeroom floor, as I know many of our relatives have.
My point is.. this hospitality, this warm accepting open home love that you all have, came from Gma and Gpa.. and what a blessing it is.
Thank you all

from pasty to tasty

We are still relatively new foster carers, but we have had 30 or so kids pass through our home. The majority of them have of course had many problems. One common theme however is finger food addiction. Most of the children we have fed have lived a life of Happy Meals and Hot Chips, and a home cooked meal means, nuggets on a plate. I was raised a vegetarian, my mother had a keen interest in nutrition. I remember as a young child going along to shopping centres with her as she would do free vegetarian cooking demonstrations. Variety was the biggest rule my mother taught us, and colour. Eat a crap load of different coloured food. (That doesn't mean dye mashed potatoes many colours.....)
So it interests me, when I meet adults that state, "My child won't/can't eat that". Or when they raise an eyebrow when I serve my 11 month old carrot sticks and tomato pieces.

I have a lot of kids that come to me pasty. They are the colour beige, the same as the mass produced, processed food that they have been failing to thrive on. It amazes me over and over again, just how quickly these children go from pasty to tasty. How readily they will eat what they have been provided, and how they begin to thrive on more nutritious food. The difference for them is almost immediate. I have noticed not only physical differences but behavioural differences.

How do I get my child to eat better? It may not work for everybody, but what Lee and I do has worked for every child that we have cared for.

What do you eat?
It is a good parenting practice to have the same expectations of our children that we do of ourselves. The problem with this is that we don't always have a high expectation of ourselves when it comes to what we eat.
I recognise a slide in my own health and energy reserves the minute I stop filling my diet with healthy responsible food choices. We try and live by a 80% 20% rule. 80% Healthy, Fresh, Natural food 20% Anything Else. How can I ask a child to eat a serve of vegetables if I pick most of the salad pieces out because they don't match my preference?

Who is the boss?
If you have lovingly prepared a meal for your child, you have made a decision. You decided to feed your child that food. If they refuse, its not about what they can and cant stomach, its about disobedience. (Similarly, if you have said "No, you may not watch TV, and the child keeps watching it anyway, and screams at you "I don't wanna turn it off", THIS IS DISOBEDIENCE, and must be addressed) We don't believe in forcing a child to eat a full plate of food, but they must try everything on the plate. If the child says they are full, there is NO other food. If the child is flatly refusing to eat it, they are not offered any other food, and the same plate of food is re offered each time the child states they are hungry. We make it very clear to the child that if they are refusing to eat it, they will get the plate for breakfast, lunch and dinner until its eaten. It is very rare that we have to follow through on this threat, as when the children have seen it done once, they all very happy to quickly eat the food. Its a life skill to eat good nutritious food. It is considered a not negotiable in our house.

If this is going to be a teaching moment how can I make it fun?
My mother always said that whenever a child is challenging its a wonderful opportunity for a teaching moment. This framework really helps me deal with MY emotions as a parent when I am dealing with challenging behaviours, and food issues are no different. If my child is going to fight with me about it, and I am going to have a challenge, how can I best prepare, for the most positive outcome? Here are some of the things that we do every day, to help the process and make it fun.

-Get the child to help pick recipes for the meal plan for the week.
-Take the child grocery shopping with you, get them to pick the ingredients from the shelves into the trolley
-Let the child help you prepare the meal
-Zero snacks from at least 2 hours before your meal
-Offer fruit and vege first - all processed foods are a reward for when the child finishes the good stuff.
-Have a clear idea of what portions you expect your child to eat before the meal starts
-Praise and recognise the child's efforts in front of the whole family
-Sit at the table for your meal (its pretty hard to monitor food intake if you are engrossed in the latest episode of neighbours)
-Praise the children at the table that are eating foods that you know they aren't fussed on (competition between children is unavoidable - use it to your advantage)
-Understand what foods do for you (the old carrots are making your eyes stronger and tomato's are good for your prostate - kids don't really know what it means but they love the little facts and it will crack you up when they repeat it to you!)
-Have a back up plan that you and your partner have decided on previously. (we commonly use "we will continue to serve this same meal to you until you eat it", or "if you wont eat this plate of food, I will steam some Brussel sprouts for you" - those are your two options)
-Tomato Sauce smiley faces will transform any meal.

I am no saint when it comes to what I eat, my figure certainly provides a resume for my addiction to bad fatty foods, but eating the food that nourishes our bodies, should be a skill that our children are equipped with. How can they ever make good choices in their lives if they were never taught the ability to eat a variety of foods? And how can we manage other challenging behaviours if we ignore disobedience in what should be a major and staple routine of each day? I am so proud of the children that have learnt to eat well in our home, particularly when you consider that a lot of them associate abuse with certain foods.

I promise you though, if you can feel in control of mealtimes, and meal content... it will give you a little Sneaky Happiness

time to shift camp

I think I have sat on this mountain for sometime. Looking around from my point of veiw, not really understanding the valleys, or the pathways, or the water. Admiring the beauty, respecting their roles, appreciating their participation. But really only having my own point of veiw. Maybe I should have imagined life as a valley? Maybe I should have imagined sitting on a different peak? This mountain never thought itself better than any other, or more valuable than any part of the scenery, but I think I have sat on this mountain for sometime.

my bumper sticker

I need someone to design a bumper sticker that says "yes, I know that I am going incredibly slow, and I probably should try and overtake the truck in front of me, and move to the next lane so that you can merge, but realistically, then the second lane would also be going too slowly, and I would annoy someone else, because, it is just enough that my poor bus is functioning as a moving vehicle, I can't ask much more of her."

A twinkle in their eyes...

A perfect Queensland day. The breeze was blowing gently, the sun shining, and the shadows of the leaves from the mango trees was dancing across our freshly mown grass. The bubbly giggles of my 3 and 4 year old spilled across the wind.

I looked out at them jumping on the trampoline, thinking about how wonderful they are. The 3 year old, with his blond hair and blue eyes, a truly angelic face, and the four year olds sweetness just oozes from his skin. I thought, how blessed am I that I can have these two boys. That they can just jump up and down on the tramp without a care in the world, and how privilidged am I that I can sit here and watch them. Not missing these heartwarming moments.

I turned back to the study desk where my 8 and 11 year old were working on their assignments, and began to reread the passage that had somehow seemed less important than gazing on the happiness and glee outside.

It was then that my neighbour knocked on my door. He had several stones in his hand, and trying to calm his anger, he politely asked that I stopped my foster children from pelting his car with stones. I looked back outside. The scene that had earlier seemed so wonderful and innocent, now shattered.

The boys were still giggling, and jumping with glee... but I now noticed, the bucket of rocks so carefully collected by the two, balancing on the edge of the tramp, and in their grubby little fingers - ammunition... and in their eyes... a gleam, that was a little less about the simple things in life, and a little more about who could be the first of them to actually hit the car with their rock!

Level Headed Crisis

I have two mottos that I have learnt to live by, in this level-headed-crisis-mode-life of mine. They are simple and silly but they calm my mind, and help me to accept the way things are.

It takes as long as it takes. This is elementary of course. But I say this to myself all day long. When I first started fostering, I found it some what of a culture shock to be suddenly back dealing with nappies, and carseats, and little peoples paces. Me being anxious and trying to get seven people to meet my expected schedule is a little bit unrealistic. So now I set a goal, and as I am finding a RElost sock, REpacking the nappy bag, that someone decided to spill on the floor, and REdoing up seat belts, I say to myself and anyone who can hear me; It Just Takes As Long As It Takes! Yes, I allocate extra time for getting out of the door, but I no longer stress about running late. Late for whom? For me and my family, this happens to be how long it takes. If I become anxious and start barking and rushing, inevidebly, the children end up in tears, I feel like a substandard parent, and we get there at the same time it would have taken me to accept that doing things just take me time!

Just do what you can do and thats enough. Again, it sounds silly, and simple. But I say this to myself all day. I also say it to my support network. I try so hard not to expect anything more from others than what is freely offered. Also, what I am able to offer others is only my energy/emotional leftovers. And guess what? Thats enough! I used to think I had to push myself to give others more and more of me, of my time, and of my support. But I have 7 children, a husband, a homeschool, a household, and a study timetable to maintain... not to mention ME! So, any portion of myself that I am able to offer others IS ENOUGH! It is a sufficient gift. I found it hard to accept this for a long time, and would happily sacrifice in order to gift the best of me away. I now gift the best of me to my family first, and whatever else I can do IS ENOUGH. I love helping out friends with housework. If all I can do is a 15 minute wash up and then leave, isnt that still a gift? Isnt that better than spending a whole day cleaning someone elses home, only to come home and be an emotional wreck because youre own isnt done? I just do, what I CAN do, and that is enough!

Anyway, those are my thoughts for today, and those are my two sayings that keep me level headed each day.

Me? Stuck for words?

So many people say to me "I don't know how you do that" and I am honestly puzzled as to how to reply.
Firstly its not me that does this. Its three wonderful sons, a kind and sensitive husband and me. We are a great team. We work together like the well oiled 15-years-in-the-making-machine that we are. I lean on each one of them heavily at times, and my expectations of them are continually met and exceeded. How lucky and blessed am I?
So I usually say, "its not just me, I have Lee and my boys too"
Then I usually get a comment like, "but you do the bulk of it, I seriously think you're amazing"
That's when I get really uncomfortable. There is nothing amazing about a person that just gets to do something that they love. Isn't everyone amazing? I think that each and every person that wakes up and embraces the day and deals with their set of cards with grace and laughter is amazing. So aren't I just doing what millions of other people do everyday? Please don't give me accolades. I actually think there is an element of selfishness to what I do. I take on all these children, because of MY desires, and expect everyone in my support network to mesh and meld to accomadate my wishes, and these children.
My answer, because of this is usually "I'm not that amazing, I'm just doing what I want to, and besides, no one would turn a child away if they turned up on your doorstep asking for food, shelter and clothing"
Usually I get a nod from the other person who say "true true, but I still think what you're doing is great" and I just giggle, cause I am self concious and embarrassed.
So what should I say, when people say "I couldnt do what you do?" I think that everyone could do it. But we all have different strengths and weaknesses. There are so many things that I couldn't possibly do. Like door to door sales, or NOT having children. So does that make us great for taking on children? I don't think so. I just think it makes us lucky. We have found something that we do well and that gives us purpose and that services our community. And we just do it.
So now thats my answer.
"Everyone does what they do, and their contribution to life is valuable. This is just what we choose to do. Its great and we love it"

I thought this was goodbye chookdove??

A little over a year ago, we bought four little chickens. Chooks make me happy. I love the way they are fat and round, and at peace. I love that they are easy care pets, that they give you a present everyday, and only ask for your rubbish in return! They go about their business and don't sweat the small stuff!

When our chooks were about 9 weeks old, a dove appeared in our yard. It was a young dove as well. I think it arrived by accident but he busied himself with the chooks, enjoying their scraps.

Every other day I was surprised to see the dove joining in with the feeding, but the relationship changed when my chooks started to lay. From the day the eggs came, the dove never left. But it was also then that the doves behaviour became a bit strange. All of my chookies would sit in a line berk berk berking, and cluck cluck clucking, laying their little eggs.. and at the end of the line was a little fat dove hoo hoo hooing as hard as he could and looking at the chooks for approval. He would ruffle his feathers, and look to the chooks, he would bob on the dirt, and look to the chooks. When my chooks would come running for the food, so would the dove. When I would open the pen for the chooks to have a yard run, out would toddle four fat chooks, plus one confused dove. In the afternoon, when I would open the pen, time for bed my chookies, in would toddle four fat chooks and one confused dove.

Our children all loved watching the dove. There were so many giggles as we would watch him prance around the yard, trying his very very best to be a chook. It was them that named him ChookDove. When friends would arrive, one of the first things my boys would say is, have you seen ChookDove? Come out the back and have a look, its a silly Dove that thinks hes a Chook!

So we have watched and loved ChookDove for sometime. The funniest thing is that he would never try to fly away. Sometimes he would fly to the top of the coup, or sit on the six foot side fence. Once or twice he flew to the pergola roof, but quickly returned to his beloved chooks. My husband joked that he was so fat on chook food that he couldnt lift his own weight.

When our chooks stopped laying, started escaping and kept pooing in people areas, it was time for them to move on. I thought that our time with ChookDove would end when we moved the chooks out to a friends farm. We tried to catch him to transport him, but he wouldnt be caught. I worried about what would happen. My husband assured me, that he would fly away in a few days and be happy and free. We all said our goodbyes to ChookDove.

But that evening, with the chook pen gate left open, for there were no fat chooks to put away, ChookDove toddled into the pen and put himself to bed. In the morning when I opened the sliding door to take the scraps to the back garden, ChookDove came running to greet me, and get full pickings from the food. But most surprisingly, when the day was clear and sunny and the breeze was gently blowing. ChookDove bobbed up and down on the dirt, then rustled and puffed his feathers and gently put himself down, and started hoo hoo hooing, concentrating really really hard on trying to lay me that egg!

I thought this was goodbye ChookDove? But I am ever so glad you've decided to stay!

neglection complex

I realised as a young adult that I suffer from neglection complex (NC). Its a sneaky little complex that you can feed with no one knowing. I first realised it was an issue when in my teens I would steal myself away from the group just to see who if anyone would follow me to see if I was ok. When no one would, a steep slide of sorrow, pity, rejection and poor me would follow, coupled with a bit of self loathing about how stupid I was because I am the one that is leaving myself out anyway! Its been a long time between NC drinks, but I have decided that facebook is bad for NC sufferers. Do you ever post something, then go back and back, waiting for someone to write a reply? But feel neglected and rejected when no one does?

I stopped suffering from NC when my I met my husband. The day I realised I was in love with him was when I was sitting alone (quite accidently, it was not an NC set up) and he came over to make sure I was ok. I decided then that I had to have him! Being in a relationship is a beautiful thing for me. I have someone that has always got my back, no matter how its presented! I think more than anything else, I love my partner because of his kindness. He is kind and gentle with everybody, but most selfishly, because he is always kind to me.

when people show you who they are believe them

What do you do when people disappoint you? I had this friend once who used to say "when people show you who they are believe them." Do I do that? If people show me a trait I dont like, I very quickly think of motivations/reasons they might have behaved in a certain way, and I excuse away the offensive behaviour/issue. Is that good for me to do? Do I want to be someone that will cut ties? I want to believe the best about everyone. I want to be someone that embraces a spirit of goodwill toward EVERYONE. But it feels sometimes that this means that I am going to get hurt, and attract relationships that allow bad treatment and boundary pushing.

I dont know what the solution is.

Renewed faith in the system

We say goodbye to three boys today. We have had them since early May. Its great to have a good news story. They are going home to a mother that loves them passionately and would do anything to make their life happy healthy and complete.

I am so happy for them that they are all going to be reunited.
(and I am so happy to be going down to 7 boys! - 10 was flamin hard - but I think it wasnt the number so much maybe it was the fact that there were 5 that were 5 and under)

Sometimes, when you feel like red tape and strange decisions rule every day, its refreshing to see a case that has had support, thought, structure, and a successful outcome, for Mum AND Kids!!

You gotta laugh or else you'd weep

I was talking to Mum on the phone, I had a crying 10 month old on my hip, I had just rebooted the laundry with my tenth load and was trying to serve breakfast to 8 other boys... needless to say, when I found two chooks under the dining table and a big fat poo under my woollen socked foot, I had to choose if I was going to laugh or cry.

for my siblings

Today my 4 and 5 year old foster kids inspired me to tell my siblings what I always think about them and never say.

Just wanted to say I love you.

Luke, I love the way that you listen properly, that you have an enthusiastic positive response for whatever dribble I am talking. I love the way you are raising your kids, that you care about their character and you want to be a present father. I love the way that you are always purposeful, that you always have a plan. That your actions are intentional. I admire that so much. I love the way that you love music, and that you are pursuing it for no other reason than that it is part of you and it makes you happy. I love the way your voice resounds(hehehe) and I love how very domesticated you are (especially seeing as I used to have to iron your shirts for school) I am so thankful that I got to live with you as an adult. It is a rare thing for siblings to get to do. I am so proud of the man that you are.

James, I love your charisma. I love that you are so interesting and that you can lead a conversation, and a room. I love it that you are geniune in your responses to people. You are so infectious. I love your sincerity and your tender heart. I am so proud of your acheivements. I feel so honoured that we have shared this quirky cultural experience, so many of my identity forming memories have you in them. I will always be so thankful that you were the one person that said 'Congratulations' to me when we spoke about Blayke! I love your thought processes. I am so proud to have you as a brother, and thankful that I have you as a role model for my sons.

Emma, I love the loyalty of your friendship. I love that you are my biggest cheerleader and my solidest friend. I love that you are fierce and passionate about our family. I love watching you parent your amazing children, that we share a similar value base. I am so thankful that we have been able to share getting married,and babies, and theories and church and everything. I love it that youre a kicking singer, and that no one can do alto like you from up the front. I love the way that when faced with trauma you become the anchor for everyone and anyone around you. I love it that I know that I can come to you. I love the way that you get me and my motivations. I am so proud to call you a friend. I am so previlidged to have you in my life.

We came back from Toowoomba yesterday. What a great couple of days. I sat and sipped a tonne of milo in the freezing cold. It was that kind of bone cold that screams right through your body. Makes you realise that youre alive.

We took Noah, Jez, B*e, K*n and J*n. Blayke is away on the Carnarvon Gorge Hike through Pathfinders, and the 3 other foster kids were with their Mum. J*n is the cutest baby! He was so funny, he only wanted Lee. Lee is tickled pink as most babies are scared of his burly beard and large frame.

But here we are, back in Brisbane. Today has been a management and maintenance day, we have caught up with washing, done groceries and changed sheets. D*n also arrived today, and this is what I wanted to share.

D*n is the older brother of B*e K*n and J*n. B*e has been asking for him everyday since he came to stay here, and finally the powers that be have allowed them to be all placed here with me. From the minute he walked through the door they have wandered through the house together hand in hand. B*e even stroked D*n's cheek, saying "I just love you my brother". So so Cute!!

But doesnt it make you envious? That as children we can love without inhabition. That we can be openly affectionate without being self conscious? That it doesnt sound weird to tell your sibling just how ridiculously awesome they are? I dont think it ever goes away.. I am still in awe and admiration of my siblings, but do I tell them?

Dont let a day go by that you dont let those you love know their value. Love like a child.

I am not overwhelmed until I say it out loud to someone else. I have ten boys in my care. Three of them part time, seven of them full time. Seven boys in my care full time. (I just need to find seven brides for them ahahahahahha)
It isnt as bad as it sounds outloud. Ten boys in a house is loud, and messy, and smelly... but it requires the same organisation as having seven, or five boys.
I am forever telling people that chaos is my friend.
Have you ever had that experience where if you arent under pressure you dont succeed? Thats me all over. I am so thankful for these little extras. They make me a more on the ball parent for my own children.

You are the man of my dreams
You are the one that seems
to take all my wrongs and make them feel right
to gather me up, make me warm, hold me tight.

My promise to you is to love you forever,
my promise to you is to stay true and never
forget about the little things, that make our love a bigger thing
than anything else in this world.

I love you.

I have so much going for me right now,

I just cant beleive how lucky I am.

All this happiness kind of sneaked up on me.

I have become a vegan and feel better than I ever have. I am losing weight. I have finished the first semester of Uni. I am super excited that I am about to start homeschooling two of my sons. I have a great foster care placement that is really fitting with our family.

I am so blessed.

Ohhhh... I have been wanting to blog for so long and here I am. An imaginery audience that cant so no to listening to me. I love love love it