We are still relatively new foster carers, but we have had 30 or so kids pass through our home. The majority of them have of course had many problems. One common theme however is finger food addiction. Most of the children we have fed have lived a life of Happy Meals and Hot Chips, and a home cooked meal means, nuggets on a plate. I was raised a vegetarian, my mother had a keen interest in nutrition. I remember as a young child going along to shopping centres with her as she would do free vegetarian cooking demonstrations. Variety was the biggest rule my mother taught us, and colour. Eat a crap load of different coloured food. (That doesn't mean dye mashed potatoes many colours.....)
So it interests me, when I meet adults that state, "My child won't/can't eat that". Or when they raise an eyebrow when I serve my 11 month old carrot sticks and tomato pieces.
I have a lot of kids that come to me pasty. They are the colour beige, the same as the mass produced, processed food that they have been failing to thrive on. It amazes me over and over again, just how quickly these children go from pasty to tasty. How readily they will eat what they have been provided, and how they begin to thrive on more nutritious food. The difference for them is almost immediate. I have noticed not only physical differences but behavioural differences.
How do I get my child to eat better? It may not work for everybody, but what Lee and I do has worked for every child that we have cared for.
What do you eat?
It is a good parenting practice to have the same expectations of our children that we do of ourselves. The problem with this is that we don't always have a high expectation of ourselves when it comes to what we eat.
I recognise a slide in my own health and energy reserves the minute I stop filling my diet with healthy responsible food choices. We try and live by a 80% 20% rule. 80% Healthy, Fresh, Natural food 20% Anything Else. How can I ask a child to eat a serve of vegetables if I pick most of the salad pieces out because they don't match my preference?
Who is the boss?
If you have lovingly prepared a meal for your child, you have made a decision. You decided to feed your child that food. If they refuse, its not about what they can and cant stomach, its about disobedience. (Similarly, if you have said "No, you may not watch TV, and the child keeps watching it anyway, and screams at you "I don't wanna turn it off", THIS IS DISOBEDIENCE, and must be addressed) We don't believe in forcing a child to eat a full plate of food, but they must try everything on the plate. If the child says they are full, there is NO other food. If the child is flatly refusing to eat it, they are not offered any other food, and the same plate of food is re offered each time the child states they are hungry. We make it very clear to the child that if they are refusing to eat it, they will get the plate for breakfast, lunch and dinner until its eaten. It is very rare that we have to follow through on this threat, as when the children have seen it done once, they all very happy to quickly eat the food. Its a life skill to eat good nutritious food. It is considered a not negotiable in our house.
If this is going to be a teaching moment how can I make it fun?
My mother always said that whenever a child is challenging its a wonderful opportunity for a teaching moment. This framework really helps me deal with MY emotions as a parent when I am dealing with challenging behaviours, and food issues are no different. If my child is going to fight with me about it, and I am going to have a challenge, how can I best prepare, for the most positive outcome? Here are some of the things that we do every day, to help the process and make it fun.
-Get the child to help pick recipes for the meal plan for the week.
-Take the child grocery shopping with you, get them to pick the ingredients from the shelves into the trolley
-Let the child help you prepare the meal
-Zero snacks from at least 2 hours before your meal
-Offer fruit and vege first - all processed foods are a reward for when the child finishes the good stuff.
-Have a clear idea of what portions you expect your child to eat before the meal starts
-Praise and recognise the child's efforts in front of the whole family
-Sit at the table for your meal (its pretty hard to monitor food intake if you are engrossed in the latest episode of neighbours)
-Praise the children at the table that are eating foods that you know they aren't fussed on (competition between children is unavoidable - use it to your advantage)
-Understand what foods do for you (the old carrots are making your eyes stronger and tomato's are good for your prostate - kids don't really know what it means but they love the little facts and it will crack you up when they repeat it to you!)
-Have a back up plan that you and your partner have decided on previously. (we commonly use "we will continue to serve this same meal to you until you eat it", or "if you wont eat this plate of food, I will steam some Brussel sprouts for you" - those are your two options)
-Tomato Sauce smiley faces will transform any meal.
I am no saint when it comes to what I eat, my figure certainly provides a resume for my addiction to bad fatty foods, but eating the food that nourishes our bodies, should be a skill that our children are equipped with. How can they ever make good choices in their lives if they were never taught the ability to eat a variety of foods? And how can we manage other challenging behaviours if we ignore disobedience in what should be a major and staple routine of each day? I am so proud of the children that have learnt to eat well in our home, particularly when you consider that a lot of them associate abuse with certain foods.
I promise you though, if you can feel in control of mealtimes, and meal content... it will give you a little Sneaky Happiness
