I have two mottos that I have learnt to live by, in this level-headed-crisis-mode-life of mine. They are simple and silly but they calm my mind, and help me to accept the way things are.
It takes as long as it takes. This is elementary of course. But I say this to myself all day long. When I first started fostering, I found it some what of a culture shock to be suddenly back dealing with nappies, and carseats, and little peoples paces. Me being anxious and trying to get seven people to meet my expected schedule is a little bit unrealistic. So now I set a goal, and as I am finding a RElost sock, REpacking the nappy bag, that someone decided to spill on the floor, and REdoing up seat belts, I say to myself and anyone who can hear me; It Just Takes As Long As It Takes! Yes, I allocate extra time for getting out of the door, but I no longer stress about running late. Late for whom? For me and my family, this happens to be how long it takes. If I become anxious and start barking and rushing, inevidebly, the children end up in tears, I feel like a substandard parent, and we get there at the same time it would have taken me to accept that doing things just take me time!
Just do what you can do and thats enough. Again, it sounds silly, and simple. But I say this to myself all day. I also say it to my support network. I try so hard not to expect anything more from others than what is freely offered. Also, what I am able to offer others is only my energy/emotional leftovers. And guess what? Thats enough! I used to think I had to push myself to give others more and more of me, of my time, and of my support. But I have 7 children, a husband, a homeschool, a household, and a study timetable to maintain... not to mention ME! So, any portion of myself that I am able to offer others IS ENOUGH! It is a sufficient gift. I found it hard to accept this for a long time, and would happily sacrifice in order to gift the best of me away. I now gift the best of me to my family first, and whatever else I can do IS ENOUGH. I love helping out friends with housework. If all I can do is a 15 minute wash up and then leave, isnt that still a gift? Isnt that better than spending a whole day cleaning someone elses home, only to come home and be an emotional wreck because youre own isnt done? I just do, what I CAN do, and that is enough!
Anyway, those are my thoughts for today, and those are my two sayings that keep me level headed each day.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Me? Stuck for words?
So many people say to me "I don't know how you do that" and I am honestly puzzled as to how to reply.
Firstly its not me that does this. Its three wonderful sons, a kind and sensitive husband and me. We are a great team. We work together like the well oiled 15-years-in-the-making-machine that we are. I lean on each one of them heavily at times, and my expectations of them are continually met and exceeded. How lucky and blessed am I?
So I usually say, "its not just me, I have Lee and my boys too"
Then I usually get a comment like, "but you do the bulk of it, I seriously think you're amazing"
That's when I get really uncomfortable. There is nothing amazing about a person that just gets to do something that they love. Isn't everyone amazing? I think that each and every person that wakes up and embraces the day and deals with their set of cards with grace and laughter is amazing. So aren't I just doing what millions of other people do everyday? Please don't give me accolades. I actually think there is an element of selfishness to what I do. I take on all these children, because of MY desires, and expect everyone in my support network to mesh and meld to accomadate my wishes, and these children.
My answer, because of this is usually "I'm not that amazing, I'm just doing what I want to, and besides, no one would turn a child away if they turned up on your doorstep asking for food, shelter and clothing"
Usually I get a nod from the other person who say "true true, but I still think what you're doing is great" and I just giggle, cause I am self concious and embarrassed.
So what should I say, when people say "I couldnt do what you do?" I think that everyone could do it. But we all have different strengths and weaknesses. There are so many things that I couldn't possibly do. Like door to door sales, or NOT having children. So does that make us great for taking on children? I don't think so. I just think it makes us lucky. We have found something that we do well and that gives us purpose and that services our community. And we just do it.
So now thats my answer.
"Everyone does what they do, and their contribution to life is valuable. This is just what we choose to do. Its great and we love it"
Firstly its not me that does this. Its three wonderful sons, a kind and sensitive husband and me. We are a great team. We work together like the well oiled 15-years-in-the-making-machine that we are. I lean on each one of them heavily at times, and my expectations of them are continually met and exceeded. How lucky and blessed am I?
So I usually say, "its not just me, I have Lee and my boys too"
Then I usually get a comment like, "but you do the bulk of it, I seriously think you're amazing"
That's when I get really uncomfortable. There is nothing amazing about a person that just gets to do something that they love. Isn't everyone amazing? I think that each and every person that wakes up and embraces the day and deals with their set of cards with grace and laughter is amazing. So aren't I just doing what millions of other people do everyday? Please don't give me accolades. I actually think there is an element of selfishness to what I do. I take on all these children, because of MY desires, and expect everyone in my support network to mesh and meld to accomadate my wishes, and these children.
My answer, because of this is usually "I'm not that amazing, I'm just doing what I want to, and besides, no one would turn a child away if they turned up on your doorstep asking for food, shelter and clothing"
Usually I get a nod from the other person who say "true true, but I still think what you're doing is great" and I just giggle, cause I am self concious and embarrassed.
So what should I say, when people say "I couldnt do what you do?" I think that everyone could do it. But we all have different strengths and weaknesses. There are so many things that I couldn't possibly do. Like door to door sales, or NOT having children. So does that make us great for taking on children? I don't think so. I just think it makes us lucky. We have found something that we do well and that gives us purpose and that services our community. And we just do it.
So now thats my answer.
"Everyone does what they do, and their contribution to life is valuable. This is just what we choose to do. Its great and we love it"
Monday, July 19, 2010
I thought this was goodbye chookdove??
A little over a year ago, we bought four little chickens. Chooks make me happy. I love the way they are fat and round, and at peace. I love that they are easy care pets, that they give you a present everyday, and only ask for your rubbish in return! They go about their business and don't sweat the small stuff!
When our chooks were about 9 weeks old, a dove appeared in our yard. It was a young dove as well. I think it arrived by accident but he busied himself with the chooks, enjoying their scraps.
Every other day I was surprised to see the dove joining in with the feeding, but the relationship changed when my chooks started to lay. From the day the eggs came, the dove never left. But it was also then that the doves behaviour became a bit strange. All of my chookies would sit in a line berk berk berking, and cluck cluck clucking, laying their little eggs.. and at the end of the line was a little fat dove hoo hoo hooing as hard as he could and looking at the chooks for approval. He would ruffle his feathers, and look to the chooks, he would bob on the dirt, and look to the chooks. When my chooks would come running for the food, so would the dove. When I would open the pen for the chooks to have a yard run, out would toddle four fat chooks, plus one confused dove. In the afternoon, when I would open the pen, time for bed my chookies, in would toddle four fat chooks and one confused dove.
Our children all loved watching the dove. There were so many giggles as we would watch him prance around the yard, trying his very very best to be a chook. It was them that named him ChookDove. When friends would arrive, one of the first things my boys would say is, have you seen ChookDove? Come out the back and have a look, its a silly Dove that thinks hes a Chook!
So we have watched and loved ChookDove for sometime. The funniest thing is that he would never try to fly away. Sometimes he would fly to the top of the coup, or sit on the six foot side fence. Once or twice he flew to the pergola roof, but quickly returned to his beloved chooks. My husband joked that he was so fat on chook food that he couldnt lift his own weight.
When our chooks stopped laying, started escaping and kept pooing in people areas, it was time for them to move on. I thought that our time with ChookDove would end when we moved the chooks out to a friends farm. We tried to catch him to transport him, but he wouldnt be caught. I worried about what would happen. My husband assured me, that he would fly away in a few days and be happy and free. We all said our goodbyes to ChookDove.
But that evening, with the chook pen gate left open, for there were no fat chooks to put away, ChookDove toddled into the pen and put himself to bed. In the morning when I opened the sliding door to take the scraps to the back garden, ChookDove came running to greet me, and get full pickings from the food. But most surprisingly, when the day was clear and sunny and the breeze was gently blowing. ChookDove bobbed up and down on the dirt, then rustled and puffed his feathers and gently put himself down, and started hoo hoo hooing, concentrating really really hard on trying to lay me that egg!
I thought this was goodbye ChookDove? But I am ever so glad you've decided to stay!
When our chooks were about 9 weeks old, a dove appeared in our yard. It was a young dove as well. I think it arrived by accident but he busied himself with the chooks, enjoying their scraps.
Every other day I was surprised to see the dove joining in with the feeding, but the relationship changed when my chooks started to lay. From the day the eggs came, the dove never left. But it was also then that the doves behaviour became a bit strange. All of my chookies would sit in a line berk berk berking, and cluck cluck clucking, laying their little eggs.. and at the end of the line was a little fat dove hoo hoo hooing as hard as he could and looking at the chooks for approval. He would ruffle his feathers, and look to the chooks, he would bob on the dirt, and look to the chooks. When my chooks would come running for the food, so would the dove. When I would open the pen for the chooks to have a yard run, out would toddle four fat chooks, plus one confused dove. In the afternoon, when I would open the pen, time for bed my chookies, in would toddle four fat chooks and one confused dove.
Our children all loved watching the dove. There were so many giggles as we would watch him prance around the yard, trying his very very best to be a chook. It was them that named him ChookDove. When friends would arrive, one of the first things my boys would say is, have you seen ChookDove? Come out the back and have a look, its a silly Dove that thinks hes a Chook!
So we have watched and loved ChookDove for sometime. The funniest thing is that he would never try to fly away. Sometimes he would fly to the top of the coup, or sit on the six foot side fence. Once or twice he flew to the pergola roof, but quickly returned to his beloved chooks. My husband joked that he was so fat on chook food that he couldnt lift his own weight.
When our chooks stopped laying, started escaping and kept pooing in people areas, it was time for them to move on. I thought that our time with ChookDove would end when we moved the chooks out to a friends farm. We tried to catch him to transport him, but he wouldnt be caught. I worried about what would happen. My husband assured me, that he would fly away in a few days and be happy and free. We all said our goodbyes to ChookDove.
But that evening, with the chook pen gate left open, for there were no fat chooks to put away, ChookDove toddled into the pen and put himself to bed. In the morning when I opened the sliding door to take the scraps to the back garden, ChookDove came running to greet me, and get full pickings from the food. But most surprisingly, when the day was clear and sunny and the breeze was gently blowing. ChookDove bobbed up and down on the dirt, then rustled and puffed his feathers and gently put himself down, and started hoo hoo hooing, concentrating really really hard on trying to lay me that egg!
I thought this was goodbye ChookDove? But I am ever so glad you've decided to stay!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
neglection complex
I realised as a young adult that I suffer from neglection complex (NC). Its a sneaky little complex that you can feed with no one knowing. I first realised it was an issue when in my teens I would steal myself away from the group just to see who if anyone would follow me to see if I was ok. When no one would, a steep slide of sorrow, pity, rejection and poor me would follow, coupled with a bit of self loathing about how stupid I was because I am the one that is leaving myself out anyway! Its been a long time between NC drinks, but I have decided that facebook is bad for NC sufferers. Do you ever post something, then go back and back, waiting for someone to write a reply? But feel neglected and rejected when no one does?
I stopped suffering from NC when my I met my husband. The day I realised I was in love with him was when I was sitting alone (quite accidently, it was not an NC set up) and he came over to make sure I was ok. I decided then that I had to have him! Being in a relationship is a beautiful thing for me. I have someone that has always got my back, no matter how its presented! I think more than anything else, I love my partner because of his kindness. He is kind and gentle with everybody, but most selfishly, because he is always kind to me.
I stopped suffering from NC when my I met my husband. The day I realised I was in love with him was when I was sitting alone (quite accidently, it was not an NC set up) and he came over to make sure I was ok. I decided then that I had to have him! Being in a relationship is a beautiful thing for me. I have someone that has always got my back, no matter how its presented! I think more than anything else, I love my partner because of his kindness. He is kind and gentle with everybody, but most selfishly, because he is always kind to me.
Monday, July 5, 2010
when people show you who they are believe them
What do you do when people disappoint you? I had this friend once who used to say "when people show you who they are believe them." Do I do that? If people show me a trait I dont like, I very quickly think of motivations/reasons they might have behaved in a certain way, and I excuse away the offensive behaviour/issue. Is that good for me to do? Do I want to be someone that will cut ties? I want to believe the best about everyone. I want to be someone that embraces a spirit of goodwill toward EVERYONE. But it feels sometimes that this means that I am going to get hurt, and attract relationships that allow bad treatment and boundary pushing.
I dont know what the solution is.
I dont know what the solution is.
Renewed faith in the system
We say goodbye to three boys today. We have had them since early May. Its great to have a good news story. They are going home to a mother that loves them passionately and would do anything to make their life happy healthy and complete.
I am so happy for them that they are all going to be reunited.
(and I am so happy to be going down to 7 boys! - 10 was flamin hard - but I think it wasnt the number so much maybe it was the fact that there were 5 that were 5 and under)
Sometimes, when you feel like red tape and strange decisions rule every day, its refreshing to see a case that has had support, thought, structure, and a successful outcome, for Mum AND Kids!!
I am so happy for them that they are all going to be reunited.
(and I am so happy to be going down to 7 boys! - 10 was flamin hard - but I think it wasnt the number so much maybe it was the fact that there were 5 that were 5 and under)
Sometimes, when you feel like red tape and strange decisions rule every day, its refreshing to see a case that has had support, thought, structure, and a successful outcome, for Mum AND Kids!!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
You gotta laugh or else you'd weep
I was talking to Mum on the phone, I had a crying 10 month old on my hip, I had just rebooted the laundry with my tenth load and was trying to serve breakfast to 8 other boys... needless to say, when I found two chooks under the dining table and a big fat poo under my woollen socked foot, I had to choose if I was going to laugh or cry.
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